Episode #4: Part 2: How to get your mind to work FOR you (create your AMAZING Working Mum Mindset)
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In this episode I share with you the simple 4 step formula to create your very own Amazing Working Mum Mindset. It is a powerful tool that you can start using today that WILL change your career, and your life!
What you’ll learn in this episode:
Why it’s ESSENTIAL for you to have an empowered mindset if you want to create a thriving career whilst being a present Mum.
What the 4 step formula is and how to use it
How the 4 step formula helps you not only create awareness around what you’re thinking but also teaches you exactly how to question and reframe thoughts and beliefs that are not serving you and your highest potential.
Learn how to apply the 4 step formula in your life today and witness yourself showing up differently - more like the amazing career go-getter and Mum that you’ve always wanted to be.
*FREE BONUS* - I’ve created A freebie for you to help you create your own amazing Working Mum Mindset! In it you’ll get the 4 Step Formula to Create Your Amazing Working Mum Mindset, PLUS all of the prompts and guidance you need to start creating your very own amazing Working Mum Mindset today. Grab it here!
Subscribe to this podcast here for more insights and proven strategies so you can learn exactly how to create a career that you love WHILST being an amazing and present Mum to your kids.
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Contact Loren: podcast@lorenfinger.com
TLC for Working Mums - www.tlcforworkingmums.com
Follow your host Loren on Instagram - @lorenfingerofficial
Grab your FREE Career Change Starter Kit: www.tlcforworkingmums.com/kit
TLC for Working Mums Podcast Episode 4 - Full Transcript
Welcome to TLC for Working Mums podcast aka The Life Coach for Working Mums. This podcast gives you the skills, proven strategies, and practical tips so you can confidently create a thriving career whilst being an amazing and present Mum to your kids. Whether you're a working Mum that wants to change careers, advance in your current career, or just become the best version of yourself, you've come to the right place.
I'm your host Loren, a certified life and career coach for Mums. I've worked in corporate, not-for-profit, and as an entrepreneur as a working Mum, and have learned that the secret to success and happiness lies in how well you can manage your mindset. I believe all Mums need TLC, so if you want to create a career that you love whilst showing up as the Mum you've always wanted to be, let's go! Hi, and welcome to another episode of TLC for Working Mums.
I'm your host Loren, the life coach for working Mums. This episode builds on the two previous episodes, so if you haven't yet listened to those, I invite you to perhaps listen to those first, but if you don't, you'll still get a lot of value from this episode. So in the first episode, I introduced you to the concept of how there are circumstances in this world that we cannot control, but what we can control are our thoughts about them.
So it's not your circumstances that create your experience in the world, it is your thinking about those circumstances that create your experience in the world. And this is amazing news, because it means that we can literally train our brain to think differently in a way that serves us, because then that more empowered thinking will create your more empowered experience in the world. So in today's episode, we are going to go through my four-step formula to creating an amazing working Mum mindset.
I've also created a great one-pager resource to go with this podcast episode for you to work through with real examples from your own life, and so also you don't need to frantically write down what I'm saying, which is sometimes what I have to do when I listen to other podcasts. So just go to www.tlcforworkingmums.com/mindset to get it. And I'll also include a link in the show notes for you.
So before we go through the four-step formula, I want to reiterate how important it is to learn the lifelong skill of managing and mastering your mindset. If you want to stop feeling like a failure at work or at home, if you want to stop feeling so much self-doubt all the time, and if you want to have the confidence to advance your career or change careers whilst your kids are still young, if you want to continue being your ambitious go-getter self that you were before you had kids, and also show up for your kids the way you want to now, you need to learn how to manage your mindset. Because as I had mentioned in previous episodes, our human brain has a negativity bias.
It will hold you back if you let it continue to go down its negative thought spiral and offer up thoughts and beliefs that do not serve the worker and Mum you want to be. You need to start talking to your mind rather than your mind talking to you. And I know this sounds peculiar, but I'm sure some of you can relate.
Sometimes you feel like there are two conflicting voices in your head. I like to say, this is your primitive brain and this is your higher brain talking. So us humans were created with the primitive brain, which is our animal brain.
And then what differentiates us from the animals is our higher brain, which is our prefrontal cortex. And our primitive brain wants us to seek pleasure. It wants us to avoid pain and it needs to conserve energy.
And it's this part of our brain that offers up most of our negative unconscious thoughts. The reason being is that it just wants to keep us safe, keep us comfortable, keep us in the cave. But we also want to evolve as humans.
You have a desire in you to learn and grow. Most working Mums do. And this is where our prefrontal cortex comes in, because it helps us choose conscious, deliberate, intentional thoughts, make decisions ahead of time that better serve us.
So to manage your mindset, you must learn how to activate that prefrontal cortex. You must learn how to identify those unconscious thoughts and beliefs that you've believed for years and years and years, identify that they're not serving you because they are creating results in your life that you don't want, and then deliberately and consciously choose on purpose what you want to think. So this four-step formula will help you do just that.
So the first step is to notice. I want you to get quiet and just notice your thoughts going in your head. Become aware of your thinking.
It's almost like if people meditate, just sit there and just watch your brain and see where it goes, see what sentences it is offering up. What are you thinking? What are some of your thoughts and beliefs about being a working Mum? Is it, I can't do it all, I can't handle it, it's all too much, I just feel so overwhelmed all the time? Do you have any doubts about advancing your career or about your ability to change careers as a Mum? Do you have any fears related to the way you show up as a Mum and how that could impact your children? I mean, I've had a lot of those fears in the past. Like if I'm stressed, am I putting that stress onto my children? Can they see that I'm stressed? Am I making them stressed? So for me, one of my running thoughts and beliefs after I got burnt out as CEO of a not-for-profit left and then was trying to figure out what to do next career-wise, I was thinking, thought constantly, it's not possible to advance my career while my kids are so young.
This thought really held me back for a while. I really believed that it was not possible to have both a thriving career and show up as the Mum that I wanted to be to my kids. From that place, I had a lot of self-doubt.
I had a lot, I felt really lost because a huge part of my identity was being a career go-getter. I racked up a lot of my self-worth in my career, which we are going to definitely talk about in future episodes. And I just want to mention that one thing that could be a really good exercise for you to do is when you are feeling like sad or defeated or overwhelmed, when you're feeling feelings that aren't making you produce the results you want or take action that you want, what I often do is what I call a brain dump.
I get a piece of paper, actually, well, I type because my handwriting is very messy, and I just empty my brain of all the things I'm thinking about. Because if you are experiencing a negative emotion or feeling, it is because of negative thoughts that you are thinking. And then when I look at all of it on paper or on my computer as I've typed it, I realise that my thoughts aren't me.
I can watch my thoughts because it separates me from my thoughts. And I love the quote that says, we cannot be that which we see. So the fact that we as humans can think about what we are thinking about is so incredible.
And I think that that's actually one of the things that differentiates us from animals. So just noticing your thoughts gives you space from them. They are not you.
They are simply sentences in your brain. So just becoming aware of what you're thinking is really powerful because the first step to transformation is awareness. So I encourage you to either do a brain dump after you listen to this podcast, or just think of one of your main running thoughts that you have about your life as a working Mum right now, or if you're wanting to make a career change, and let's continue with this exercise together.
Okay, so my thought was, I can't advance my career while my kids are young. The second step in my four-step formula is to start questioning the thought you've identified. Now, I don't want you to try and like get rid of it immediately because it's there for a reason, and you want to get curious as to why it might be there.
Don't judge it, just get curious. If you try to get rid of your thought too quickly and do what we call a thought swap and switch it to a positive thought that you don't yet believe, every time you say that positive thought, it's actually going to reinforce the old negative thought. So become curious about why that negative or limiting thought is there.
Where did it come from? What parts of it have served you? Give yourself some compassion for why it might be there. You don't need to overanalyze, but just acknowledge why it might be there. Because we want to start thinking on purpose and question our thoughts, unconscious thoughts that are being offered up.
Are they really true or are they just thoughts that we have programmed in us from the way we interpreted our past experiences or even from society? So I want you to approach your thoughts now with curiosity and almost a playfulness about it. Don't judge yourself for having them because then you just compound the negativity. You're like thinking a negative thought and then you're thinking negatively about you thinking that negative thought.
Instead, just get curious when you are starting to challenge and question those thoughts and opinions your brain is offering up. And when you challenge that thought, ask yourself what part of that thought is untrue? Your brain cannot help but come up with answers for you. And more empowering answers equal more empowering thoughts.
So for me, the thought that I can't advance my career while my kids are young, of course my brain was offering that up to me. It was trying to protect me from what I had gone through again when I started as CEO, when my second baby was only a few weeks old. The stress I was under both at work and at home, feeling like a failure at the job and at being a Mum.
And of course this thought would be lodged in my brain. It is also further reinforced by society's expectations of us. Being a career woman when you're a Mum is sometimes seen by others as being selfish, like not putting your family first, thinking only about your dreams and desires ahead of your children's needs and wants.
So I gave myself some compassion. I knew why that thought was there. But then I took the next step to question it and ask, is it serving me now? The beauty about being a human with a prefrontal cortex is that we can choose what we want to think.
And no, I can't advance my career while my kids are young was not serving me anymore. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to advance my career for many, many, many years because they were young. And it's not true either.
I looked at other working Mums that have either changed careers or advanced their careers successfully whilst raising their children and showing up as the Mums that they've wanted to be. I remember a friend mentioning that her boss always used to say that while the kids are young is actually the best time to change careers or advance your career, because you put in the legwork when they're young because kids don't remember as much from that age. Kids under six don't really understand the concept of time.
So if you play with them or are really present with them for four hours or for 30 minutes, honestly, it's about quality over quantity. So I started looking for evidence of the opposite of my current thought that was keeping me stuck and making me feel terrible about myself. Thinking that I could only have one or the other, a thriving career, or being a great Mum to my kids is not a useful thought.
And there's that quote that says, what got us here won't get us there. And I feel that's so true with our thoughts and beliefs. So many of my thoughts and beliefs that got me to one point in my life, I've needed to re-examine with fresh eyes and a new perspective to get me to where I want to go now.
And this thought was definitely one of them. So the third step is to change the thought. Here's where you ask yourself, what thought would serve me better moving forward? I want you to write down some thoughts that would better serve you and try on each thought.
See how it fits like an item of clothing. And you'll know if it fits nicely because of how it makes you feel when you're thinking that thought. And the trick with this step is that you need to believe this new thought.
If you try to change it to a thought you don't yet believe, it will just reinforce your old thought. So this is another amazing trick that I use. If there is a thought that you aspire to believe, so perhaps you're thinking that you would love to believe that you can change careers while still focusing on being an amazing and present Mum to your kids, but you're not quite there yet.
You can go up the ladder of thinking by using what we call a ladder thought. So perhaps you can think and believe now that it might be possible for me to change careers while still focusing on being an amazing and present Mum to my kids, or I'm figuring out how to change careers while still focusing on being an amazing and present Mum to my kids. Just starting to remove the grip and stickiness of that negative thought, the initial default negative thought is so powerful.
And for me, I started thinking that I'm figuring out how to advance my career while my kids are still young. And this thought was great. It's so expansive because it takes me from problem mode to solution mode.
I'm figuring it out. It is possible to change careers and advance my career whilst my kids are young, whilst showing up as the Mum I've always wanted to be. I am figuring it out.
As a little tip, if you find it tricky to reframe the thought, consider what you might say to a friend or someone you care about if they were thinking that unintentional, unconscious negative thought. And also just to reiterate, know and understand that the thought that is really sticky right now, that negative thought is optional. You can choose to think differently about any circumstance and therein lies all your power.
And the final step, and perhaps one of the most important steps, is to practice your new intentional thought. If you don't practice the new thought, your brain is just going to divert back to your old default unconscious negative thoughts and beliefs. And as I explained in previous episodes, if you think of your brain like a ski slope, you have gone down one run for years and years and years and the grooves are deep.
But we have a thing called neuroplasticity, which basically means that your brain can create new neural pathways. So you can literally retrain your brain to think better thoughts that will better serve you and help you move forward. Your brain will offer up the old thought.
Prepare yourself for this. It's just going to happen because our brains have a negativity bias. But don't beat yourself up when it does.
And then if you consciously start thinking and practicing the new thought, and so when your brain offers up the old thought, just gently redirect it to start thinking that new thought. And with practice, it will become your new default thought. All it takes is some practice.
Please don't put this into the too hard basket. Because if you want to get good at any skill in your life, you need to practice. To become good at tennis, you need to practice.
To become good at sales, you need to practice. To develop the skill of surfing, like what my husband's doing right now, you need to practice. Anything you want to create in your life, whether it's to change careers to something you love whilst being a present Mum to your kids, or if you want to get healthier and more fit in your body, or if you want to improve your relationships with your friends, with your kids, with other family members, anything you've ever dreamed of, you can achieve through thinking deliberately and intentionally.
And then practicing those thoughts until they become your default beliefs. Practicing thinking better thoughts is the most valuable skill you'll ever develop. Because your mindset really does control everything.
It determines your reality. It determines your experience in the world. And I promise you from personal experience and from coaching many other working Mums, this stuff works.
This work has changed my life and many other Mums. And you know, I was a person that struggled so much with self-doubt, people-pleasing, perfectionism, crippling anxiety, and confidence issues. And now I feel so much less self-doubt.
And I don't let it hold me back. And perfectionism is a thing of the past. And anxiety, I know how to manage incredibly well.
And I am so much more confident in myself and my abilities as a worker, entrepreneur, coach, and Mum. I actually feel free. I'm content and so happy with my life and determined and motivated in my career to see what's possible.
Or whilst showing up as the best version of myself for my kids. I am for sure a much better Mum thanks to this work. I also want to mention that working on your thoughts, looking at them, and consciously deciding what to think is like brushing your teeth.
You need to do it daily. You can't just do it once and think, yep, I've solved it all. I've done it.
And that's why learning exactly how to manage your mind is such an important skill to develop. So to recap, the four-step formula to creating an amazing working Mum mindset is notice, question, change, and practice. And this week, I encourage you to work through this formula to start cultivating an amazing working Mum mindset.
It's so much easier than you think. And this really is the secret to your happiness and success as a working Mum. As I've mentioned at the beginning of this episode, I've created a really great one-pager free resource that will walk you through exactly what we've gone through in this episode with prompts and everything to make sure you can create your own amazing working Mum mindset on how to notice, question, change, and practice thoughts that will help transform your career and your life.
Just go to www.tlcforworkingmums.com/mindset to grab it. And I'll also put the link in the show notes for you. I hope this episode was insightful, informative, and helpful, and I can't wait to speak with you again next time.
Thanks for listening to another episode of TLC for Working Mums. If you haven't already, I would be so grateful if you subscribe to this podcast and popped a five-star review on iTunes. And of course, if you love this episode, please also share it with a fellow working Mum.
All working Mums need TLC in their life. And I'd love to hear from you. So if you have any questions or topics that you would like me to talk about on the podcast, please email me at podcast@lorenfinger.com. And if you want to hear more about my one-on-one exclusive coaching and programs specifically designed for working Mums like you, head over to www.tlcforworkingmums.com. I truly hope this podcast helps you create an incredible working Mum mindset, so you can build a thriving career whilst being an amazing and present Mum to your kids.
